Last night I had a less than stellar dream. It probably stems from a comment my mom made when we were talking about some guy she wanted me to meet (ugh). I asked how old he was, and I commented that he must be 26 or 27 based on the guys I know he hangs out with. She says she doesn't think he's that old (not that I consider that old for guys I'm trying to date - in fact that's almost young), then she says, "oh well, I forgot how old you're getting... maybe you're right." FML. I know I shouldn't freak about getting older... but I'm starting to get to the age where I thought my life would be coming together slightly more than it is. I thought I'd have a good, solid relationship that I could see going somewhere...not by 24 but by 25ish. And not that time is "running out" but it's flying by recently and I'm afraid I'm going to blink and be there and be single forever. I KNOW my friends reading this think I'm nuts, but seriously time goes sooo fast...and as much as I love my cat, I really don't want to end up a cat lady. So, that brings me to my dream: I had a baby. A girl. The baby was young, most likely only a couple of weeks old. The guy I'm with, I couldn't tell if we were married or not (ugh) tells me he's leaving me. I go after him. I leave my baby in the middle of the night. Someone comes after us and I realize I am a desperate woman and delinquent mother for leaving my precious baby.
Basically I know I have to move on from J instead of dwelling and telling myself I care about him in his time of need. I care but I care more about myself and don't need to waste precious months of my life that could be spent getting over him and meeting someone who doesn't leave me waiting around until they pull their life together. Realistically he could've said hey I have problems, I'm being open with you and need your support. So time to take off the rose colored glasses and say fuck you.
And yes, after a few beers last night and a J phone call earlier in the night, I felt the need to text. I hate him for doing this.
The danger of overcorrecting in love
3 days ago
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Hey- I just bought Argov's book yesterday! Catching up on your blog now and really seeing some similarities between our situations here! Any advice you can give me would be great :) Looking forward to the next entry
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I love your blog, I though the same thing :) I feel like I make 3 steps forward and 2 steps back in the situation. One day I'm fine and have a moment of clarity, the next I'm a blubbering, angry mess. You know how it goes though. You broke up about 2 months ago right? We did too, only we've been on and off since then. Currently off. So hard. Keep blogging though, we can help each other when we can :) Glad I came across your blog, it's one of my favorites.
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