Exes and Eharmony...I make my return.

While wrapped up in my J depression (not gonna lie, this is the shittiest I've felt in a long time. I'm going to even say shittier than when we first broke up. I should've said fuck having money and just gone out this weekend instead of dwellling in my misery.), I haven't mentioned I've been hearing from my ex, Moron, frequently. I find it bothersome to even type about it because I am so over him and that whole year and a half of agony. He wasn't entirely horrendous, he just wasn't me and I stuck around WAY TOO LONG and it just got uglier and uglier. I ran into him a couple months ago and then again a couple weeks ago and he acted like a moron. However he's pretty intelligent, so shocking. We chat once in a while now about work - he asks me for advice and I ask him what he thinks. Anyway, he kept pressing me to hang out this weekend and kept saying he knows I miss him (this is all through text) and my response was, "now I know how my ex feels when I say this shit." He says, "so you miss me huh" and I said, "no, I just feel stupid." hah.

Last night I have a dream about my ex I dated throughout college, on and off. Who dumped me right after we graduated and I was beyond heartbroken and lost 15 pounds. (3-4 months later I met Moron.) In the dream I believe we were married, and happy. He's a happy guy. We didn't talk for a while but now we do occassionally. I actually called him hysterical at 2am the nite J dumped me and he talked to me for a good half hour as I bawled and snotted all over myself. He called me later to make sure I was okay too. So I text him today like hey you were in my dream last night. I walk into the gym literally 2 minutes later and there he is. WEIRD? I broke his heart back in the day (during the 1st off period...things were never the same after that). Sigh. Tomorrow is his birthday. 2 years ago on his birthday I made him some sweet cupcakes.

So obviously it's time to get back on the horse. Me & J haven't REALLY been together for a few months now. It's time to date. I tried Plenty of Fish, it was not for me. Too... much like a cheap Adult Friend Finder. Ew. When Moron & I broke up last summer, conveniently right around my birthday, I signed up for Eharmony. I ended up meeting two guys, 1 was a psycho and wanted to rush (it was painfully obviously..although I guess he was 31 and thats where he was at in life) and the other was just too far but he's a cool guy. So since Eharm just sent me an email saying I could sign up for $20 a month for 3 months I went for it. I really didn't like it too much when I had my subscription, but I think it will force me to focus my attentions elsewhere away from J. No one can search for me, which I like. My matches are delivered and I don't need to do anything unless I think they're 1. hott 2. have a decent profile. What the hell do I have to lose besides $60 (billed monthly, so that's half a tank of gas a month), despite being broke I'll take my chances. It could be fun...right?

Today: Day 1 of no-contact with J. I can do this. I'm really freaking sad though.