Big risks hopefully bring big rewards

Well, through my adventures in dating, particularly Josh, I've learned sometimes you have to lose control a little bit...risk a lot in order to gain a lot. I've also learned this is the way you can get pummeled, but that's what a risk is, and sometimes the journey is somewhat worth the crash at the end.

Which leads me to announce my career change- my venture into advertising. Cons: Less money, crappy hours, much longer commute. Pros: Potential for more money later, better experience, learn a lot and therefore be more marketable later even if I decide it's not for me, meeting lots of new people professionally and socially! It's time to venture out of my comfort zone and take a chance. Realistically even with my promotion from my current employer, I wouldn't be able to move out comfortably and live how I'd like to live. I think even if I took the promotion at my job, I'd be bored and unsatisfied. In the new job I'll be super busy and on the go. And let's face it- my idle mind is not a good thing. I think being busier and having more going on and a more legit career will help me out not only professionally but socially/romantically, and for that I will be poor. I put in my two weeks notice this morning. My boss took it decently well considering she now has a one person department, and that one person is herself.

So I've been toying with the idea of nixing the bitch plan with Josh and just cutting him out cold turkey - well after I somehow get rid of his crap that I have, because I don't want him contacting me about it and don't want it in my possession either. Why? Because I'm not sure the game is even worth it anymore, I'm not sure how fun it all is. So while I haven't been able to decide what to do- play the bitch and ignore him/cut him out, he's crawled back in. Nothing substantial or to write home about, but asking me about my job stuff. Asked me what I decided and congratulated me. I said thanks and that's it. He's leaving tomorrow for an out-of-state wedding (let's forget about the fact he told me about this wedding months and months ago) for the weekend. When he reminded me about it last week, I was like oh cool have fun! Gag. I mean not that I thought I was going since we broke up um almost two months ago now, but still. I also have a feeling that girl he saw in between is somehow still around, although I have no way of knowing at this point, and I can't ask because I'll look bad. I do think my contacts I want back are at his place but I feel like if I ask it looks like I'm just digging for an excuse to see him before he leaves, and I don't care. He could've said "Let's celebrate the fact you got two job offers!" but he hasn't. So tonight I am going out with Unlovable to celebrate. I guess it's kind've nice he loves me in his f*cked up way, despite having a girlfriend and despite the fact I don't love him. I guess the whole thing is just on my nerves already because he wants to call all the shots. Two weeks ago we had the we're back together talk, 1 week later we had a fight and it wasn't like okay we're done but it definitely wasn't like hey we're definitey together! And we haven't talked about it...I am not going to be the one who says, "hey let's talk about what we are and what we're doing for the 200th time in a month." The fight was dumb too. I don't want to do the casual dating thing with him anymore. If I'm gonna see other people I JUST want to see other people and don't want to see him anymore, at all. There's a difference between exclusively seeing someone and being in a full-on committed relationship, according to Stephen Ward from Tough Love anyway. I agree. I don't need the full-on at this point, it would be premature, but I'm not competing/sharing with anyone else - of myself or of him. I think that's kind've slutty anyway.