"The TALK" - Take 6

I was so good, I held out and didn't text Josh. So proud of myself. This morning I decided if I didn't hear from him by 2 I'd text him, because honestly how long can the Limbo drag on? He texted me around 11, - SCORE ONE FOR THE DOORMAT WHO'S SLOWLY MOVING UP..about "talking." Isn't it weird when you have to schedule to talk to someone? Why couldn't we just have talked? I know he was away and what not, but if we're just going to break up at this point I think it could've been done over the phone. Like what's the point, we're going to keep the last break up classy? Please. 


That said, now I have to figure out what exactly I'm going to say during "The TALK." Last week if you had asked me, I would've been prepared for what to say. After a week of Limbo, I'm not sure I have the same things to say. It would be great if I didn't have to question or not know what the heck was going on any random day. I would be okay with dating without a title and just dating except I now question everything because one week he wants to be with me, and the next he doesn't (or at least that's the vibe I'm getting??), and I have whiplash. 

I’m about to start a new job in a new city (THE CITY) and my dating choices are going to be ginormous. My industry will be filled to the brim with people my own age and I’ll be forced to socialize with them. I definitely don’t want to date any of them either. I want to be known as the mysterious single girl who doesn’t date anyone- and they can think perhaps because none of them are good enough to date me. That’s cocky. I take that back. Not that they’re not good enough, but maybe that I don’t settle for the regular BS regular guys pull. You need to really wow me, because I have too much going on and too much going for to waste my valuable time on Joe Shmoe.

Josh made me REALLY HAPPY. Like, more likely happy than I’ve been in recent years. Why? Because it was effortless and easy and I never once questioned how he felt about me and I always felt secure and happy and he was reliable. He was funny. He made me laugh. I knew he went out of his way to make me happy. He wanted to make me happy. He disclosed important things to me. We talked openly about personal issues. I felt okay sharing things with him I don't normally share. I opened myself up - which I NEVER do. I honestly felt like I wanted to be a better person because he made me feel like it was okay to trust people and the risk was worth it. I felt he was supportive and wanted the best for me. I liked how he knew who he was, he's confident but not cocky. I liked that he showed me the real Josh and not the Josh everything thinks he is. I liked that he was ambitious but not one of those guys who are easily impressed by money. I really liked his smile...in particular the goofy smile he sometimes got when he would stare at me and shake his head like "how'd I get to be so fucking lucky." Now that is not Josh. Now I never know anything and I feel clueless as to how he feels. Yeah he wanted to get back together...and 3 minutes later I had a bomb dropped when I found out about the other girl. No, we weren’t together, but the timing sure was close. I just wasn't expecting it and it threw me for a loop. I know I was seeing other people, but I didn't actually SLEEP with any of them. We waited to have sex, and then he just slept with someone else. And those those pictures... Ugh. He certainly didn’t go out of his way to make me feel okay about it. It kind’ve was just expected I’d drop it and get over it. Sometimes things like that are hard to drop. Like, hey baby I just told you I want to be with you and only you, let's forget who I was with last weekend! 

Obviously these are things we should've just talked about, but instead we've been in Limbo for over a week and have to schedule talking. I've had crap going on too, I get it, but the fact it's lingered so long says what about things? 

"The TALK" shall happen after the gym tonight. I will act like I had been out to dinner instead. He doesn't need to know with who... this will explain why I am dressed with makeup on and my hair done, to most likely end it for good. I need to be on my game for this. Walk out and never look back. I'll have to delete him from my Facebook friends for my own sanity; he'll understand. 

2 months today since we broke up the 1st time - what an appropriate day.