Men Are About Feelings?

Wow, love my man Evan Marc Katz's blog post today, "Why Do Men Who Seem Like Promising Prospects End Up Breaking Up With Me?"

Makes sense, I mean, I haven't been the most doting, feminine, comforting, selfless woman around. I blame this on the fact I'm a twin and stole my brother's testosterone in the womb (is it ironic he is not heterosexual?!), and therefore tend to demonstrate more masculine qualities and being "feminine" does not come all that naturally to me. Not to say I'm a sports freak manly girl; I love pink, make up, dressing nice, and all that nice stuff. And in other ways I'm really typically "feminine" - like my over emotional, over analytical thought process. In the way I communicate though and deal with relationship issues, not feminine. I'm rather abrupt (so I've been told, I think it's more BLUNT?) and get angry before I get upset. I sometimes expect the other person to magically know what's on my mind and have a hard time communicating complex/deep feelings or issues. I don't have lots of close female friends and I find it a lot easier to maintain relationships (platonic) with men. I have a handful of good girlfriends and the ones I do have are awesome. I did my sorority time which was cut off after a year when I realized I can't handle the BS of girls in large quantities. Now when it comes to men, unless I wanna be a cat lady, maybe I should try to soften up. Apparently the long blonde hair, full-time job, sense of humor, love of football, make up and worked out pecs aren't enough to keep them around?? I need to be LOVING and appeal to their FEELINGS?!

Quality time with mom

I'd like to dedicate this post to my mother. She is awesome, despite the fact we have polar personalities.

Why Mom is awesome: I like making "awesome lists,"...actually I like making lists out of

everything, probably stems from my need to define and analye all aspects of my life.

1. I can tell her everything. Such as this morning's text at 8:35 AM: Fun fact: I lost my virginity on a Good Friday. (So much for all those years of catholic school.) She knows who I've dated that was good and who was not, who was "blessed" and who needs a few lessons. Nothing shocks mom; mostly she just shakes her head.

2. She does not judge. Poor decisions, good decisions, she stands by my decisions because they are mine. She understands I need to make poor decisions to grow as a person. While she may not agree with everything I do, I know she does not think poorly of me as a person and her love for me does not decrease.

3. She can wing-girl. Such as last night, when we grabbed a few drinks together at a "younger" bar. We chatted about things pertaining to items 1. & 2.; she commented it's a shame how many unattractive people there are in the world (and mom is not superficial); and checked out the boys with me.

4. She covers for me. Like a 6:30 AM text, "you should come home before the jaber wocky (aka my dad) rises from his slumber." Or when she kept my retarded ex a secret from my father for 6 months (when I wouldn't come home on the weekend). Thanks mom!

5. Although she hates shopping, she goes with me because I am an excellent shopper and she tries to act like it's not completely miserable for her.

6. I have a tattoo that includes "Mom" in pink with a heart. You don't tattoo names you aren't serious about. Okay, this doesnt make HER awesome but it is homage to her awesomeness so it's worth mentioning.

7. She texts throughout the day. We often send each other funny face picture messages just to say hi.

8. She knows I am one of the few people who understand her. She is not one of those gossipy women with lots of friends. She talks to me. She knows I have spent hundreds of dollars on self-help books and do things like write blogs analyzing my issues, and she takes what I have to say seriously. When I read her my favorite parts of WMMB, she pretended to listen and contemplate.

9. I also don't call her mom; it's a nickname of her name that no one else calls her. It's "our thing."

10. Shortly after the Josh breakup, we had a bottle or 3 of wine together. The jaber wocky was not home, so I climbed in their tempur-pedic with her. I asked her if she would live next door to me when I'm an old maid with lots of cats and we could "cuddle" like this. Her response, "Yeah, if I'm not dating anyone." I questioned, "What about dad?" Her reply, "Well, you know he doesn't take care of himself." (The jaber wocky is somewhat overweight with high blood pressure he ignores.) DOH.

I'm really thankful to have a kick-ass mother and felt like sharing. We had a really good bonding session last night discussing what I've learned from my Argov Education. She gets it. You'll get it too after my blog post tomorrow. It's gonna be long (as if I'm not wordy enough) because it has to be and I want to be able to dedicate the right amount of time to craft it.

I also got a call and email about a new exciting job opportunity, and while I love my boss I don't love my job so that's looking good. I keep playing phone tag with the woman in HR but hopefully I'll speak to her next week. Kyle has stopped with his texts and I think has gotten the picture! And tonight, out with my PIC (partner in crime). The weather is gorgeous, life is looking good.

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. ~Margaret Young

Self growth, a fabulous thing

Where'd the week go?!

A LOT has transpired the past few days, not all of it my loyal readers will understand or like to hear. Since I am still not quite sure of details and frankly am not ready to divulge yet, I will spill the beans at a later date.

Kyle has been relentlessly persistent. I have yet to hear from him today, which is a good thing and a first for the week. He has asked me out twice this week already; first request was Sunday, then yesterday. Sunday was dinner this week, I didn't respond to the text. I didn't know what to say and then forgot. It's not easy to let someone down, I don't want to offend him. He's a nice guy, just not for me. Why settle! Yesterday was about going to an auto show. Not really my thing, so I said so. He said, "still tryin to get a second date out of you." I did not respond. Honestly, if you want a date call me so I can reject you over the phone rather than by cold, impersonal texts. And try asking me out not through impersonal texts. Technology ruined dating. In this case, I am not trying to "play hard to get," I am just not interested in dating. He has no long term potential. He spells things wrong, a lot.

Not sure if I mentioned this one ever, the "Young One;" he's actually six months older than me but this is young for someone I'd consider seeing/dating/talking to. Met him on the train to one of my St. Patty's parades. He's a state trooper. He's been texting and what not about getting together but he has weird work hours and days off. He's VERY attractive, well more attractive than the average Joe Shmo anyway. He texted Monday about doing something Wednesday/Thursday. Not sure why, but I told him no...well actually I told him I was sick, and at the time I wasn't feeling well, but it was a little bit of a stretch. He didn't respond anyway. I have a gut feeling he's not worth the effort so I'm gonna go with that. Oh well. Gotta go with the gut!

I've rounded out my Argov Education with the completion of "WHY MEN MARRY BITCHES." Way more beneficial than WMLB, at least for me. I'm pretty good at playing it cool when I first start dating someone, so this makes sense. I run into problems when feelings surface- maybe this is why I received the nickname having to do with ICE by a guy that tried to date me right after college. It makes sense that things normally go sour right around the same time in each of the few semi-legitimate relationships I've had: 3 months in when I get scared because I actually have feelings for someone and realize I could potentially have my heart trampled. Not sure why I have a crippling fear of rejection and someone walking away. With Josh it was different because I trusted him unlike the others, and he treated me like 20 times better. I still changed my own behavior though, and became doormat-like. I give too much power and focus on them instead of myself because I let myself believe they are the root of my happiness and I need to focus entirely on them because if I don't they will leave and I will get hurt. Who thinks like this? It's not conscious, and I'm glad I recognized the pattern at this point. Because really, who can respect a doormat? Who wants to be with someone they can't respect? I should have more respect for myself. I have a lot going for me and I reduce my self worth for no reason. Obviously reading this book has made me face the facts of my own shortcomings, and the fog is clearing surrounding certain situations. More on that later.

Moral of the story is that you need to read WHY MEN MARRY BITCHES, regardless of your marital status or if you even want to get married. It's not about getting some guy to propose, it's about being a strong person. Instead of "Attraction Principles" this book covers "Relationship Principles." It's like being invited into the mind of a man. I learned things that make sense, like how guys will push your buttons to size you up by how you respond, but that I never realized went on. It makes sense but actually reading it is different. I really cannot say enough about this book. I've read it and then reread parts of it and then read parts of it to my mother, who could also benefit from reading it unfortunately! I'll highlight my favs later, so stay tuned :)